I lost my father in 10 days when I was young, lost man. My entire world crashed around me. It has taken years to find myself and, although still in the process, I have discovered many, if not pure things, wonderful, restorative, and authentic things, things I doubt I would have found had my father lived. His death saved my life.
As I am too soon old, I have come to know I too will die. From recent deaths -- a mother-in-law, a friend, a dance instructor -- I've felt the terror of leaving my wife and kids on this world. But I am learning and trusting that my connection with them will somehow help us both, when the time comes.
i love this story, Dave, of all you found, even as my heart aches for you to lose your dad in 10 days as a young person. what a time frame… “As I am too soon old,” is a beautiful phrase. I know, for certain, that the connection persists and transforms, when we can let it transform.
Thank your for sharing the story of your full presence with your sister and with death, with her pain and your own. You have reminded me that presence, including both the flinching and unflinching, is the path to compassion and connection. Bless you!
This lands in me thoroughly and fills me, like you dropped one drop of color in me and now all of me that is water holds that color. I have 3 sisters and a brother. A day will come when we are separated by a death, and then another…. When I think about it I cannot breathe without crying. But reading your words let’s me breathe and bear witness to your being right there in it. 80 hours awake. The closeness, then separation (from this touchable form we love to see and sense). That poem, your way of relating to bereavement, intertwining it with merriment, sentiment…. The artistry of intimacy that you embody. It’s very moving and deeply felt. I am steeped in gratitude for you, your sister, and what’s brand new about now any time something this important shifts. Sending much love and solace.
Your image of color in water mesmerizes me, Anastasia. This is, really, what any of us writers desire to do. Thank you. I so appreciate the reflection, and the seeing and support. Love and solace received, and returned to you in abundance.
It’s so difficult to lose a sibling - I am so sorry for your loss.
I empathize with your feelings of being broken. When my mom died, the following seemed so relevant:
I feel like an inadequate machine, a machine that breaks down at crucial moments, grinds down to a dreadful haunt, “won’t go,” or, even worse, explodes in some innocent person’s face.
Four pillars Mommy stable earth Daddy expanse of air sometimes his own tornado Marie flame on fire Poppi ocean depth: four parents. Four lost four found, two after death, found as themselves and as they live in me, through me, for me. As we all do in those we for whom we open enough to touch. As you and Margaret have.
I have lost 3 close friends in these past 5 years—unthinkable! Janice and Bev both passed within 3 months of each other in 2019. How I raged against the Universe! Why couldn’t their deaths be spaced out further than 3 months, giving me time to focus on each?! I punched my fist to the dark sky at night. One night, though, I noticed all the twinkling stars and planets above and was silent. I felt a part of the Universe; I sensed my friends’ presence.
Sorry to hear about your loss , Abriel . Yet she is in better place now looking down on all . And thanking them for the love and care they showed her . Hope all remember her as she was before cancer , and not like she was near the end . Hugs to you and family
what you love most: a necklace of semi-precious stones I inherited from my German teacher of 83. It means much more to me than any diamond or gold I ever possessed because it is infused with history (a good 50 years) and Sabina 's energy.
who you have lost: my late maternal grandmother, Sister Lin. Although she was unable to read, she learned to speak in four languages/dialects and taught us that "we should stand by justice, not by blood. "
what you have found: grounding living near the wild and rivers in the Harz Region of Lower Saxony.
this puts me in mind of a little iron dog statue i received from one of my teachers. it's gone with me everywhere. thank you, sister lin, for the guidance.
I lost my father in 10 days when I was young, lost man. My entire world crashed around me. It has taken years to find myself and, although still in the process, I have discovered many, if not pure things, wonderful, restorative, and authentic things, things I doubt I would have found had my father lived. His death saved my life.
As I am too soon old, I have come to know I too will die. From recent deaths -- a mother-in-law, a friend, a dance instructor -- I've felt the terror of leaving my wife and kids on this world. But I am learning and trusting that my connection with them will somehow help us both, when the time comes.
i love this story, Dave, of all you found, even as my heart aches for you to lose your dad in 10 days as a young person. what a time frame… “As I am too soon old,” is a beautiful phrase. I know, for certain, that the connection persists and transforms, when we can let it transform.
Thank your for sharing the story of your full presence with your sister and with death, with her pain and your own. You have reminded me that presence, including both the flinching and unflinching, is the path to compassion and connection. Bless you!
Love this especially “ It happens to all of us, and yet is also unthinkable.”
🦋 no matter how we stretch our minds!
This lands in me thoroughly and fills me, like you dropped one drop of color in me and now all of me that is water holds that color. I have 3 sisters and a brother. A day will come when we are separated by a death, and then another…. When I think about it I cannot breathe without crying. But reading your words let’s me breathe and bear witness to your being right there in it. 80 hours awake. The closeness, then separation (from this touchable form we love to see and sense). That poem, your way of relating to bereavement, intertwining it with merriment, sentiment…. The artistry of intimacy that you embody. It’s very moving and deeply felt. I am steeped in gratitude for you, your sister, and what’s brand new about now any time something this important shifts. Sending much love and solace.
Your image of color in water mesmerizes me, Anastasia. This is, really, what any of us writers desire to do. Thank you. I so appreciate the reflection, and the seeing and support. Love and solace received, and returned to you in abundance.
It’s so difficult to lose a sibling - I am so sorry for your loss.
I empathize with your feelings of being broken. When my mom died, the following seemed so relevant:
I feel like an inadequate machine, a machine that breaks down at crucial moments, grinds down to a dreadful haunt, “won’t go,” or, even worse, explodes in some innocent person’s face.
~~May Sarton
Hang in there. I loved your post.
What an amazing quote from May Sarton. Thank you, Nancy.
Four pillars Mommy stable earth Daddy expanse of air sometimes his own tornado Marie flame on fire Poppi ocean depth: four parents. Four lost four found, two after death, found as themselves and as they live in me, through me, for me. As we all do in those we for whom we open enough to touch. As you and Margaret have.
yes, yes, yes. i love this living ecosphere gaiaworld spiritplace you describe. xo
Heartbreaking and an a heart opening…thank you Abriel.
thank you for reading, nancy
Abriel, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Take good care.
No losses lately, but am missing aunts, uncles, parents gathered around the table, and our quiet conversation.
They've left such a profound mark on me.
thank you so much, diana. i wish for you to feel them around the table and hear their voices.
I have lost 3 close friends in these past 5 years—unthinkable! Janice and Bev both passed within 3 months of each other in 2019. How I raged against the Universe! Why couldn’t their deaths be spaced out further than 3 months, giving me time to focus on each?! I punched my fist to the dark sky at night. One night, though, I noticed all the twinkling stars and planets above and was silent. I felt a part of the Universe; I sensed my friends’ presence.
I love you, Abe.
I love you too, Marcela.
Stunning.
thank you, sera
Love your words Abe. ❤️
thank you, Banafsheh jaan
Sorry to hear about your loss , Abriel . Yet she is in better place now looking down on all . And thanking them for the love and care they showed her . Hope all remember her as she was before cancer , and not like she was near the end . Hugs to you and family
Thank you, Mitch
Abe, I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your beloved sister. Thank you for sharing here--this is beautiful. Sending you love.
Thank you, Nicole. Received...
Oh Abriel what a lovely poem!
i love it, lisa
what you love most: a necklace of semi-precious stones I inherited from my German teacher of 83. It means much more to me than any diamond or gold I ever possessed because it is infused with history (a good 50 years) and Sabina 's energy.
who you have lost: my late maternal grandmother, Sister Lin. Although she was unable to read, she learned to speak in four languages/dialects and taught us that "we should stand by justice, not by blood. "
what you have found: grounding living near the wild and rivers in the Harz Region of Lower Saxony.
this puts me in mind of a little iron dog statue i received from one of my teachers. it's gone with me everywhere. thank you, sister lin, for the guidance.
Thank you l.i.d. (little iron 🐕) for Abriel's swift and steady literary feet/feat.